The Half-Asian issue in a couple of paragraphs

I was and to this day, am still severely bullied because I am of Asian (Chinese) heritage, probably because of my Asian first name. Some of my bullies were actually Asian women who are the kinds who only date white men; one girl told me I would “need to go to China to get laid.” I’ve overheard, 100’s of times, racial comments against Asian men, including some from Asian women in my family. I’ve heard anti-Asian comments from non-Asian guys, who could only get Asian women, and were insecure about not being desired by non-Asian women. It’s a terrible burden to bear. For most half-Asians, there is no real pride in being Asian, when our mothers themselves, did not want to be Asian, and wanted to be white.

It’s not rocket science. Why would I, a half-Asian, be even remotely proud of being Asian, when Asian people are more than happy to marry the worst, most horrible non-Asian men around, simply to escape being Asian?

These women enter into pragmatic, loveless, asexual relationships with, and have children, sometimes, if not mostly with white men, sometimes questionable white men (e.g., those weirdo, creepy, undesirable guys who hated ‘slutty’ white women and wanted an easy replacement – aka, cheating natural selection). Hapa men generally do not look white, and even if we did, the burden of trying to deal with our toxic parents, as well as ‘hiding’ our shame at our heritage, is overbearing. Many biracials are insecure about being half-Asian, due to it usually being our mothers who are Asian, and our Asian mothers (but I have seen this with Asian fathers) trying to shame us away from our heritage. Either way, it can’t be argued that we’re white by any metric, and generally Asian is seen as a negative in the west.

The common argument I run across is that “not all hapas look Asian.” Which proves my point – the metric for being a ‘good’ and ‘happy’ half-Asian is to not look too Asian, or basically be a male model. That’s a terrible, terrible mind-f*ck for many biracial Asians, especially when non-Asians and even Asians consider us Asian, when convenient. Besides, it is incredibly racist to suggest that we’re ‘better off’ because we’re half white, and in fact this is what most of our parents tell us, no matter how broken, weird, and miserable our parents really are. That’s it.