To start off, let me say I was never self hating, I was always overtly proud of being Asian; I don’t know, maybe this was just to be rebellious against my white worshipping Chinese family. Last time I saw them the were talking, practically bragging, about how my female mixed cousins “didn’t look Chinese at all.”

However, I did eventually go through a stage where I didn’t want to be Asian because ALL ASIAN PEOPLE I KNEW sent the clear message to me that white was better. And I briefly became a Neo Nazi. Perhaps the worst part of it was that I rejected non-white women who genuinely loved me, because my racist white dad and his religious psychosis convinced me that women were all whores, and that no woman would want a half-Asian guy, only a white guy.

Now I know the usual libshit, happy go lucky Wasian crowd will say “being proud of your race is dumb,” but that’s just the usual gaslighting nonsense that these people say because I’ve literally been bullied for being Asian for most of my life, to the point of my mother telling me to not tell people. And that’s exactly what Wasians are, as a group, a bunch of deeply insecure men and women whose entire existence is inflated by their insecurity, hence making up all kinds of claims about being superior and special because they’re mixed with white.

But now that everything in my life is said and done, let me earnestly say that the situation is pathetic.

Most Asians are self hating. Outside on the street, it’s 100 to 1 WMAF to AMWF. I don’t care about white women at all, but it’s a good metric of how bad it is. And don’t get me started on Wasian men; Wasian women get with white men at almost universal rates and even the stereotypical “good looking, tall” Wasian guys I see never have women with them. And most Wasian males AREN’T good looking and probably effed in the head anyways due to their moms’ racist scheming.

I have Asian men in my life who center their entire existence around being “basically white” and getting a white woman despite being 40 and not having a woman, or being in a sexless, childless relationship with a white woman, or having been cheated on by a white woman. On top of that, because of the way I look and carry myself, I guess I come off as “too Asian” and my former friends were rude to me for being “too Asian.” I’ve had Asian women with their white partner roll their eyes and try to move away from me in public for looking too Asian. I’ve had Asian American military men mean mug me in public because they mistook me or a mainland Chinese person, which isn’t the first time I’ve heard that; my grandmother says I look Northern Chinese. When I mention that I find black or Asian women more beautiful than white women and would rather have a relationship where I don’t have to code-switch all the time, they look at me like I’m a loser. My brother at this point is a 40 year old who loves Trump and told me he wants to look like a “real all-American boy,” while complaining about white women with black men.

Asian people’s entire existence is about trying to be white, getting white peoples’ approval. My mother is practically a statistic when it comes to foreign born women marring broke, openly racist white men; for what, exactly? I read several stories of Chinese women marrying men who killed them, and the stories are almost always the same: she had a Masters degree (I get it, gotta marry up with le heckin’ education, right?), the guy was an open racist, he was legitimately ugly by white standards, he didn’t really work, she was vicious and brutal to him, she went insane from living in his little white house in his little white town. My mom used to tell my dad the way he ate was disgusting to the point that he covered his face with his hand while chewing. And my mom hated going to my dad’s rural white town so bad she forbade me from living there as part of her will when she died.

But she still married him. On top off that she told me to marry only a Chinese girl. Not that I care (I like Asian girls and not physically into white women), but her hypocrisy astounds me. How terrible are Asian men that women are willing to die for it? If it’s so important to overlook a man’s racism in favor of his education, potential wealth, etc, then what’s the point in being Asian? What’s the point in being anything other than a greedy monster who believes love doesn’t exist and marriage is merely for convenience and upward mobility? (Oh wait, I just described 99% of people).

I just realized this past month several shocking things: 1) I may have been a visa baby. 2) My mother definitely wanted me dead. And 3) My dad was legitimately racist to a point that I myself didn’t want to admit it. He read me Rudyard Kipling books and only yesterday I found out that the dude was a legit dyed in the blue racist…. against Asians.

The whole thing, this pretending Wasians are all good looking despite marrying hideous, objectively ugly white guys, being openly racist against other Asians, etc., is all a cover up for the fact that self-hatred is the default state of Asian people. It’s not possible to be truly good looking if your father is truly ugly. I know for a fact people treat me worse because I’m half-Asian, or maybe more accurately, because I’m PROUD of being Asian and don’t want to associate with these white worshipping losers or this cursed alliance between racist white men and self-hating Asians. People call me an “n-lover,” all the time, simply because I reject being white.

That’s why nobody can name a half-Asian male success story of any real merit, where the guy is legitimately attractive, is actually loved by women and the women he gets (not getting divorced like the Miami Heat coach), etc., etc. All these guys that have become sex symbols over biracial Asians are all monoracial Asians from Asia.